如何与心灵破碎的人开始福音对话

寻找同路人

如何与心灵破碎的人开始福音对话

                                                                                             
那时，我手里捧着咖啡杯，从客厅的窗户望出去，正看到邻居出门收晨报。他穿着那件印着商标的白褐相间的上衣，拿着他今天的第一听啤酒。

我们搬进了21世纪初期非常普遍的政府建的经济适用房社区，往下两户人家就是一个贫困户。住在里面的是一户非常有需要的家庭，我祷告他们可以搬走，或者让我可以和他们有福音性的交谈。坦白说，两个我都祷告了。

周二的晚上，有几个年轻的家庭一起聚在同一个客厅里查经。 他们都是年轻白领，也是我当时做副牧师的教会的主要组成人群。

尝试整合两个世界

我想方设法地把我所处的两个世界整合在一起。我的邻居们在物质和属灵上都是缺乏的。而我的查经小组只是在属灵上有需要。我的整合大计就从举办一次烧烤开始，邀请了两个世界中的每一个人。

开始的时候这两个群体的人并没有什么交集，但到最后的时候，我的邻居把我们几个召集到一块儿，分享起了他自己的故事。他和我们讲他服刑的事。他告诉我们和他住在一起的女人并不是他的妻子，只是一个女朋友，但是“男人总会有男人的需要”。他还继续讲了自己吸毒、酗酒、穷困潦倒的种种。

他的故事是关乎灵魂的贫穷，对我们那些听的人来说也很危险。我们的教会在解决物质上的贫穷时会感觉很安全，但这个情况却不仅仅是物质上的问题。我们更愿意写张支票、奉献食物，或者是分发三明治，而不是插手另外一个人混乱的人生。然而那一晚，我的邻居在我的头脑里从一个贫民窟的邻居成了一个灵里贫穷的人。要想帮助他，不是一包救济品就能解决的，而是需要一段关系。但我们要怎么关联上呢？我从没有进过监狱，也没有过情妇。除了地址，好像我们真的没啥相似之处。

但我越想就越意识到自己和邻居的共同点绝对不只是地址：我也是灵里贫穷的人，我同样需要寻找救赎。我们两个都参与在一个所有人都经历着的故事当中，至少在部分参与：圣经对创造、堕落和寻找救赎的记述。从个人性的堕落中寻找救赎，体现在音乐、文学、电视节目、电影和运动当中。它定义了我们的生命，但我们实际上却不把耶稣看作是救赎。

透过圣经理解邻居的故事

正如我们用“创造－堕落－救赎”的框架来了解我们的生命，我们就用这个来将自己的故事和邻居的故事彼此关联。最终，我们学到了为扭转人的福音对话建立根基。

我们来练习一下。

• 创造：试着选择一个“创造”的时刻，或者人生中的新开始。可以是某个重要的时间，像结婚、生孩子或者得到一台新的苹果手机。也可以是新的一天，和老板的关系，一个爱好，或者一项体育运动。
  
• 堕落：某个时候，那个新事情让你很失望。坏掉了或者你把它搞砸了。怎么回事？带来了什么样的伤害，或者痛苦？
  
• 救赎：随着失去、失望、或者伤痛而来的关键问题是：你去哪里寻找出路拯救自己的失望呢？或许是新的关系，也可能是不正当的关系，或者食物、愤怒、暴力，又或者是逃避，还是更大更好的______(填空)。
  
  
  

当你思考这个过程的时候，可能开始看到一个循环。那些我们从中寻求救赎的事情变成了“新创造”。并且，若那个不是基督，“新创造”总是会引向又一次的堕落。

当我从这个视角看待自己和我邻居的生活时，突然之间我和他产生了共同点。实际上我也可以理解他了。当我经历痛苦和失望的时候，我可能不会选择早上8点钟喝酒，但我们选择棒球和发怒。而且这些“救赎无力”的救主已经无数次地让我失望了。

实用性操作步骤

借着这个故事将整个叙事串联起来之后，我们可以采用改良过的一种关系架构“爱，知，说，行”（来自CCEF—基督教辅导与教育协会）来和有需要的人展开福音对话。

1. 爱：因为基督先爱了我们，因此我们可以去爱别人，包括有需要的人。你有祷告一颗去爱有需要的人的心吗？
2. 知：简单来说，就是想方设法去倾听一个人的故事。或许是由他们开始的一个随性的对话，又或许是你自己借着深思熟虑的问题打开的对话。人们内心深处都有极大的倾诉欲。你能够去倾听吗？
3. 爱：听完他们的故事之后，若我们愿意继续停留片刻，和他们聊天，或者下次碰面的时候热情相待，都是表达爱的信号。我们可能是第一个没有转身离开的人。
4. 说：在这里我们可以分享自己的故事，在对救赎的渴望上和他们关联起来。告诉他们你败坏的地方，还有你如何寻求救赎。福音对话中往往会有这样的分享。那些有需要的人需要从我们听到，我们也不总是在基督里寻找救赎，尽管这些对话必须是指向基督的救赎工作。
5. 行：与他们同行，帮助他们面对自己的堕落，选择更好的、更像基督的回应方式。现在我们的对话可以持续很长很长的时间。若我们察看自己的需要，常常的悖逆，需求自我救赎，那么和这些有需要的人聊福音就变得有可能了。对话就会变成在我们自己的经历中，耶稣如何以“爱、知、爱、说、行”的方式和我们建立关系。

现在轮到我们每个人持续地去操练基督给我们立下的榜样。


How to Have Gospel Conversations with Torn Up People

There I was with my cup of coffee, peering out my living room window, watching my neighbor collect the morning paper. He was wearing his trademark white tank top and holding his first beer of the day.

We had moved into one of those gentrifying neighborhoods that were common in the early 2000’s, and two doors down was a Section 8 house. Living in this house was a needy family whom I could pray would move or with whom I could have gospel conversations. Honestly, I did both.

On Tuesday evenings in that same living room a group of young families would meet for a Bible study. They were all young professionals, the predominant demographic of the church where I served as an associate pastor.

TRYING TO INTEGRATE TWO WORLDS

I struggled to find ways to integrate my two worlds. My neighbors were materially and spiritually needy. My Bible study was only spiritually needy. Step one of my integration plan was to host a barbeque where everyone was invited—from both worlds.

At first there was not much mingling between the two groups, but eventually my neighbor collected a bunch of us and began to tell his story. He shared with us how he did time. He told us that the woman he was living with was not his wife, but a girlfriend. He relayed that his wife, who was locked away in prison, did not like the idea of him having a girlfriend, but “A man has got to do what a man has got to do.” He went on to tell stories of drugs, drinking, and poverty.

His was a story about the poverty of the soul, and it was dangerous for those of us who were listening. Our churches feel safe when we address material poverty, but this was more than material. We would rather write the check, donate food, or hand out sandwiches than engage in the mess of someone else’s story. Yet that evening, my neighbor was transformed in my mind from a Section 8 neighbor to a man who was poor in spirit. Helping him required more than a handout, it required a relationship. But how could we connect? I had never been in prison, never had a mistress on the side. There seemed to be nothing that I had in common with him other than our address.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I shared more than an address with my neighbor: I am poor in spirit, and I too search for redemption. We were both participating in the story that all of us experience, at least in part: the biblical narrative of Creation, Fall, and the search for Redemption. The search for redemption from our personal fall fills our music, literature, television, film, and sports. It defines our lives, yet rarely do we actually look to Jesus for our redemption.

UNDERSTANDING OUR NEIGHBORS’ STORIES THROUGH A BIBLICAL LENS

As we develop a Creation, Fall, and Redemption framework for understanding of our lives, we learn to connect our story with our neighbors’ stories. As a result, we learn to establish the foundations of transformative gospel conversations.

Let’s practice.
1. Creation: Try to pick a moment of “creation,” or new beginning, in your life. It can be a monumental event like marriage, the birth of a child, or even getting a new iPhone. It can also be each new day, relationship with a boss, a hobby, or an athletic activity.
2. Fall: At some point, that new thing disappointed you. It broke or you broke it. How? What pain did it bring? What suffering?
3.Redemption: It is following the break, disappointment, or hurt that the key question arises: where did you look to redeem the disappointment? Perhaps you looked to a new relationship. Or maybe an inappropriate relationship, or food, or anger, or violence, or escape, or a bigger and better ____ (fill in the blank).

As you think through this process, you might begin to see a cycle emerge. That thing that we seek redemption in becomes our “new creation.” And when that redeeming new creation is not Christ, our “new creation” will always lead to another fall.

When I see my and my neighbor’s life through this lens, I suddenly have something in common with him. I can actually relate to him. When I experience pain or disappointment, I may not choose alcohol at 8:00 in the morning, but I have chosen baseball and anger. And “redemption-less” redeemers have disappointed me too many times to count.

PRACTICAL STEPS FOR GOSPEL CONVERSATIONS

After connecting our stories through this narrative we can use a modified version of the relationship framework “Love, Know, Speak, Do” (developed by the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation) as steps to cultivate gospel conversations with the needy.
1.  Love: Because Christ first loved us, we can love others, including the needy. Do you pray for a heart that loves the needy?
2.  Know: This simply involves finding ways to listen to someone’s story. Maybe it’s a random conversation that they begin, or maybe it starts with your own thoughtful questions. People have a deep desire to be known. Can you listen?
3.  Love: After we hear their story, our willingness to stay there, talk with them, and be excited the next time we see them are all signs of love. We may be the first person not to walk away from them and their story.
4.  Speak: This is where we can share our story and unite with them in the longing for redemption. Tell them about your falls and your searches for redemption. Gospel conversations will often include such sharing. The needy should hear from us that we do not always look for redemption in Christ (though these conversations must point to the saving work of Christ).
5.  Do: Walk with them to help them choose better and more Christ-like responses to their falls. Now we have a conversation that can last a long, long time.

Gospel conversations with the needy will become possible as we see our need and often-wayward search for our own redemption. These conversations will then flow out of our experience that Jesus employs a “love, know, love, speak, and do” model of relationship with us.

Now it is time for all of us to consistently practice what Christ models for us!

作者：John Lauber

John Lauber is a biblical counselor with Heartsong Counseling and is a member of Emmanuel Presbyterian Church in Arlington, Virginia. John Lauber是Heartsong Counseling辅导事工的圣经辅导员，他也是弗吉尼亚州阿灵顿以马内利长老会的教会成员。

翻译肢体：侯淑婧

来自群组: 金灯台团契分享组